Graduating? Listen to Meg Jay
If you’re graduating this summer, there is one book you must read: The Defining Decade: 20 by Meg Jay.
The Defining Decade: 20 by Meg Jay
Meg is a clinical psychologist based in the US, and she sees countless twentysomethings in her clinics. So many, she’s developed a keen eye for the themes that come up again and again - and the tactics and mindset that move her clients forwards.
That is what makes this book pure gold. It’s written for you, not for me.
Whether it’s work, love, or how you feel in general, Meg offers real stories to make you feel seen, framing to help you make decisions, and reassurance that these challenges are 100% normal.
Here are some of my favourite bits…
🙋 Identity Capital
We don’t suddenly show up as fully-rounded adults. We build ourselves, bit by bit, through the experiences we have. This is identity capital - and it’s also the currency we use to get jobs.
“Twentysomethings who take the time to explore and also have the nerve to make commitments along the way construct stronger identities.”
🪢 Weak Ties
At uni, we spend a lot of time building our tribe. Our ‘chosen’ family, who have our backs whatever we do. But when it comes to the big things - finding work, finding a partner - it’s actually the people we know the least well who will be the most transformative.
“Whether we are talking about career ideas or our thoughts on love, we have to make our case more fully [with weak ties]. In this way, weak ties promote, and sometimes even force, thoughtful growth and change.”
💭 The Unthought Known
Facing so much uncertainty, it’s easy to be overwhelmed by what we don’t know. Sometimes we forget what we do know - how we like spending our energy, who we enjoy being around, where we feel most alive. Meg makes a strong case for commitment, for making decisions, even if they’re not perfect.
“Somewhere inside, I think he knew that making a choice about something is when the real uncertainty begins. When we make choices, we open ourselves up to hard work and failure and heartbreak, so sometimes it feels easier not to know, not to choose, and not to do. But it isn’t.
Not making choices isn’t safe. The consequences are just further away in time, like in your thirties or forties.”
Yeah… that’s the sucker punch.
The big message of this book is this: show up for yourself.
You don’t know everything you want in life yet, but you do know some things.
And the more tiny, consistent actions you take towards those things - just a small step each day, each week - the more you’ll learn about what else you want (or don’t). It’s as true for your career as for your love life.
So, go and do.
